Just Peachy

He says, “Do you want to keep this pasta cookbook?”

And I say, yes, of course. When what I really mean is keep everything. File it all away, store them on shelves and in stacks and hanging from the wall. Hide them in cupboards, even if they tumble out on top of you, just push them back in until the door stays. It doesn’t matter if I can find it again, I just need to know it’s there.

We move to a new apartment. We spend a week painting the colours I picked out in ten minutes and I love them all, even the “Just Peachy” that was supposed to be “Farmer’s Almanac” because that’s life, right? Sometimes we get the wrong shade of yellow, but it still looks good.

The seasons change again, like they do, haphazardly, reluctantly. I wear the wrong clothes and too many layers and then not enough, shivering in shorts and his jacket, appearing nude as I pack box after box into the back of his car.

We signed a lease. I said, “It’s scary.” He said it was the least frightening thing in the world. But, we put our names to a piece of paper that says “we’re going to last”. It’s the confidence that scares me. I’ve often had the wrong reactions to the right things, I’m learning to ignore it.

It’s like this: If my life was a paint swatch, it would match the walls.


5 Comments Add yours

  1. Annie says:

    Beautiful post :)..
    if we don’t reach out of our comfort zone we will always get what we ‘ve gotten so far… I know it’s much more difficult in practice than in theory..

    I think the problem starts if and when the life or your life and any life (paint swatch) doesn’t match the walls….. often we build walls and paint them again and again with different color with the hope that they will match with us, and if in the end you have to paint them again, then one can see your shape on that wall as you hurry panicking and try to run out of there like in cartoons… now I realize I am more like a cartoon …

    Love and Gratitude

  2. Michael says:

    Gorgeous. Good luck!

  3. Hannah says:

    “I’ve often had the wrong reactions to the right things.”

    I wonder if it’s really the wrong reactions, or not listening to the right things. Don’t lose touch with your intuition, or try to ignore it. It’s one of the worst things you can do to yourself.

    Congrats on the new place.

    Hannah M

  4. Peter DeWolf says:

    I like when you post.

    Things like this is why.

  5. Reading your words again feels like waking up to the cusp of autumn: cool and hopeful and golden and well worth the long, hot slog of season’s past.

    Congrats on your new place!

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