When I think of my next guest blogger I imagine an unassuming individual. He’ll sit there across from you and deliver you a line that makes you want to howl with laughter but you choke on it for a moment, wondering if it was meant to be a joke. He can hold you there, on the precipice, for what seems like an endless moment as your body aches to laugh but your brain is unsure. It’s the relief of letting the laughter go that gets me; the moment when he takes his story just far enough to step into the ludicrous or ridiculous. Delivering it all with the straightest of faces.
I found Grant at Austin Carnivore pretty recently as blogging goes, he’s what we call an “instant follow”. My favourite bloggy tease. He was kind enough to write me a little something when I had run out of words. So, enjoy. I sure did. When you’re done head over his way and treat yourself to a little wry humor sprinkled with awesome.
Came and Went
by Grant at Austin Carnivore
Last night I went to my favorite bar to watch Radiohead’s album Kid A being played by a jazz band. I knew the guys in the band and so did many of the bar’s patrons. There is nothing quite like seeing good music with friends. In fact hearing live music is my favorite pastime. Getting drunk by myself and playing video games or reading till 2am is a distant 2nd. Life is easy when you are me.
About ten of us were there in support of good music and good beer. We struggled to hold conversations over the loud music. For a while I harassed my friend for “falling in love” with a guy she knew for two days while on vacation. Now she is thinking of moving to Seattle only a short 1769 miles away. I don’t want her to move. She is gorgeous and has gorgeous friends and I like gorgeous friends. We danced for a while. Good times.
Another friend of mine was celebrating her birthday that night and ol’ Daddy Warbucks here was buying shots for everyone. I bellied up to the bar. A nice attractive girl was to my left. She had been standing there a while but the bartender and I are friends so he came to me for my order first. I pointed to the girl and said that she had been there longer than me. She shyly smiled, and thanked me. I nodded and stood there as an opportunity came and went. The Wesley Haynes Trio started playing The National Anthem and I let out a celebratory woo. By the time I got my beer the girl was gone. No big deal. Gorgeous friends were all around. I made a bet with one of them that the band would play the whole album and nothing else. I lost the bet. I had to buy pizza for the ladies. It’s funny how hungry everyone gets when Daddy Warbucks is buying. After stuffing our faces with some late night pizza the sleepys started setting in. I drove Miss Seattle home and then went home to crash. It was about 2am so my book would have to wait till tomorrow.
I woke up and went through my regular routine. After my cup of tea and shower I decided that I would take a friend’s recommendation and check out this little bistro for lunch. It was raining outside and I figured the place wouldn’t be crowded. I was wrong. I always feel bad for waiters when I take up a whole table by myself. Especially when I get the last table. As I ordered more people came in from out of the rain. One of which was a girl all by herself. I thought of asking her to join me and then my corn chowder came. From order to table in under 30 seconds. I nodded and sat there as an opportunity came and went. I ate really quick and gave a big tip and was on to the next order of the days business.
I needed to do some grocery shopping. Earlier in the day I pulled out my cookbooks looking for some kind of blackened fish with mango salsa recipe and had no luck. I would need to first go shopping for a new cookbook and then go shopping for things to cook. The sales clerk that helped me find the cooking section of the bookstore was very helpful and very cute. We had a short conversation about food this and food that. As we spoke I nodded and stood there as an opportunity came and went.
I needed to hop across the street and pick up tickets to see another great band. I was upset when I realized that the music store had a cash only policy when selling some venues’ tickets. I had several questions for the sales clerk and he helped me out as best as he could. My trips to both the book store and music store were not panning out. I did not find what I came for. As I was about to leave the shop I heard a voice call out to me. It was the girl from the bar last night. The one that I let go ahead of me in line. She asked if I remembered her and I told her that I did. She said that I was really sweet. I was at a loss for words. I tried to make conversation but my second favorite pastime keeps me socially retarded when I meet new people. As I nodded and stood there dumbstruck another opportunity came and went.
Next order of the days business, grocery shopping. About ten minutes into my drive to the grocery store I made the conscious decision to stop being a pussy and I turned around. I went back into the music store. I found a male clerk and asked if he recognized me. He said he did. I described the girl and he said that Michelle was in the back closing her register. I told him that I would wait. He had a big smile on his face. I was sampling some music with headphones on as she appeared. I asked her if she were single. She said she was. I explained to her that I am an idiot. She didn’t seem to mind. I asked if it would be okay if I took down her number. She said yes.