The One In Which I Live Tweet West Side Story

I’m one of those people, you know the ones. The people who somehow managed to make it to their mid-twenties without seeing most of the classic films that have shaped contemporary cinema. I’ve decided to rectify this gross mistake by watching as many classics as possible before next year. Get a jump on things. Without even realizing it, I rented West Side Story and made this an experience to share with the interwebs. I live-tweeted my experience of seeing WSS for the first time tonight and made a few people laugh. So, here it is in it’s entirety:

Watching West Side Story for the first time… these are the lamest gangs ever.

You know you are a bitter singleton when: actors claim love at first sight and you think “bullshit” and shake your head.

The Jets and the Sharks are probably the least intimidating gang names to ever exist.

They are all about to rumble… I hope that means a dance off.

OH NOES SOMEONE PULLED A SHINY KNIFE!! Shit just got real in the West Side.

Riff totes pulled the silent line “A pox on both your houses.”

Crap! And then Tony stabs Bernardo and suddenly this ending doesn’t look so happily ever after, afterall. Spoiler Alert.

Now we’ll see if “oops, I killed your brother in a revenge rage.” Is forgivable in the West Side.

This is awkward. She seems cool with it. I mean she’s crying but she’s also all over him.

A little more turmoil for the whole lover/brother murderer thing might be nice. Apparently in these movies a song makes everything better.

The Jets are upset over all the death so they are dancing it out in an abandoned garage. No good can come of this.

The new leader of the Jets and the squirrely wannabe girl gang member just had a moment: “Ya done good buddy boy.” “Thanks, daddy-o.”

Oh. Anita caught the lovers in the act. She’s pissed. “A boy who kills cannot love.” Seriously, Maria, listen to your friend.

Wait. But, now Maria is singing about being super in love. She convinces Anita. Now they are harmonizing. I think all is forgiven.

I’m totally going to pull this singing my feelings move next time I get in a fight or accidentally kill someone in a blind rage.

The plot thickens: Maria gets detained by mean bear-like cop. Anita goes to leave a message for Tony or something, I wasn’t watching.

Wow. The Jets are super racist and dance-raping Anita all over the place. This is really uncomfortable.

SHOCKING PLOT TWIST: Anita tells the Jets to tell Tony that Chino found out about them and shot her!

Tony looks like he’s going to be sick. Dance it out, Tony. Just dance it out. Nope. He’s running the streets screaming for Chino.

“CHINOOOOOO! C’mon get me too! Sob sob I want you to.”

WAIT! He sees Maria and everything might wor—oh wait, no, just got shot. He’s totally dying in her arms.

Oh nooooo she takes Chino’s gun. Crazy woman with a gun! Says they killed those people with hate. Pretty sure it was with knives and guns.

Cops show up but don’t do anything. She kisses the body. Members from both gangs carry the it away. Friends. Alls well that ends well.

Whoa whoa whoa. THE END?? I thought the Juliet-character was supposed to die in the end. This isn’t like Romeo & Juliet at all.

Good call, Maria. Why commit suicide over a 2-day romance? Sing a song, dance a little, you’ll love again.

And so ends the live tweeting of my first West Side Story experience. Tune in next time, when I watch & tweet the classics.

What classic should I watch/tweet next?


11 thoughts on “The One In Which I Live Tweet West Side Story”

  1. Completely underwhelmed as you failed to respond to either of my tweets on the topic.

    WSS is one of the finest musicals ever — the music that is.

    I’ll send you over the remastered edition if you like. It’s… amazing.

    1. I was underwhelmed by the music, myself. The dancing was far more interesting and hilarious. I had nothing to say about the music except it was there.

      1. Yar, the choreography is good too — it’s a seminal piece…!

        The Dance at the Gym -> Maria -> Tonight sequence is one of the best musical sequences of all time — up there with Moses/Good Morning/Singing in the Rain 🙂

  2. All recommendations totally subjective:

    Things Blow Up:

    Bullitt – (Steve McQueen) Cop movie; action. Amazing car chases.
    Thomas Crown Affair – (McQueen, again) Much better than the remake.
    The Great Escape – Prison Escape, WWII. Smart acting; star-laden cast.
    Blade Runner – Futuristic dystopia. On what it means to be human.
    The Usual Suspects – Keyser Sose.
    The Untouchables – Connery, Costner, Bringing down Al Capone on tax evasion.

    Emotion and Angst:

    The Quiet Man – Wayne and O’Hara; A boxer and a firey Irish redhead. Funniest fight scene I’ve ever seen.
    Mr. Smith Goes to Washington – The last honest politician, dealing with the rest.
    Casablanca – Bogart at his best. Not my favorite on this list, but classic.
    When Harry Met Sally – Romantic and comedy; witty without being biting.
    Charade – Grant and Hepburn, a missing fortune and a beautiful widow.
    The Postman Always Rings Twice – A torrid affair, a cuckold, a bit of trouble.
    The Seven Year Itch – Seven years of marriage…and then, Marilyn Monroe.
    (Anything Ginger Rodgers and Fred Astaire.)\


    Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid – Newman, Redford, wisecracks and cowboys.
    Robin and the 7 Hoods – The Rat Pack as (musical) gangsters.
    Anything Mel Brooks (Blazing Saddles); Anything Monty Python.

    1. Man. Awesome list. I’ve seen a few of them but not nearly as many as you would think that I should have. Two comments:

      1) When Harry Met Sally totally belongs under laughter.
      2) You know I have seen Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, but man, I wish I had tweeted that the first time I saw it in all its brilliance. I’m sure I can scrounge up a Paul Newman film or two that I haven’t seen yet.

      Thanks 🙂

  3. This is cool as hell! I am one of ‘those people’ also…

    I also happen to have wildly rampant attentional issues, so I am really feeling this first-person summary concept!

    And, you’re such an incredible writer, so I love visiting this blog, but it often makes me feel rather melancholy. Not sure why.
    BUT this post has shiny, bright tones

    1. Melancholy is my writing style of choice. I am generally a very bright happy person though. I’m going to try and lift the mood a little more often. Starting now.

    1. The Chocolate Cupcakes… they must be horribly threatening to carry off a name like that. Maybe that’s the trick. Pick a weenie name and then back it up with massive brutality. On second thought, never attack a gang named The Chocolate Cupcakes…

  4. I laughed heartily at your live tweets. When I was in the show for a high school production, none of us could take it seriously–seeing as how 98% my high school is Hispanic/Latino and my high school was smack in downtown L.A.

    Talk about bringing a pirouette to a knife fight…

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