It’s 2pm and I Don’t Know What The Hell I’m Doing With My Life…

I’m staring at a screen. Somehow I have just lost about 40 minutes of my day looking through free History courses online. Yeah. Learning without credit towards a degree. Because I graduated in May and am starting to wonder how the hell I am going to spend the next year of my life. This year that I planned to “take off”… Take off? From what? Life? Seems kind of ridiculous now.

I am moving to Portland, OR. Starting mid-September until I figure out what I want to do next with my life. I must have forgotten who I am because now that I am staring into the face of this seemingly infinite space of time with NO PLAN I am starting to get the tiniest bit panic-y. I once tried to take a semester off from school to “find myself” all I remember finding is a special love for Cuban rum and navy guys. It was just as counterproductive as it sounds.

So, now what? Move to a city where I have no friends, no job, no life plan. And do what exactly? Start drinking alone? Why did I think this was such a brilliant idea before?

Crap.

Now is a good time to turn the music up.

Modest Mouse – The World At Large

EDIT:

Now would be a good time to mention a couple of things:

1) People have been secretly linking to me! I am humbled! But, why so secret? Let me know! I am especially blown away when it is people who have never commented (that I know of) and then all of a sudden I am linked. Wow.

So, Thank you.

2) A real life friend of mine who is pretty damn hilarious. And blunt. And badass. And awesome. Has just started blogging again. Check her out:

mmacc.wordpress.com

3) I am officially home from Europe (in case you haven’t already figured that out) about a month early due to some crazy ass shit that went down on the first WWOOF farm in France. Think slave labour. Think emotional abuse. Think running away with our packs on our backs in the middle of the day without telling anyone and then being CHASED by angry GERMAN WOMEN. Because all of that actually happened.

Life. It’s just so silly.

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8 thoughts on “It’s 2pm and I Don’t Know What The Hell I’m Doing With My Life…”

  1. dude, portland!?? Chica, we have to hang!!

    i have thought long and hard about traveling and Would That Be Running Away? etc. but, i have to do it. i want so much to do it. i know that wherever i go, there i am. i figure as long as i have that awareness, traveling can’t be such a bad thing.

    live it up.

    ps: wow, i’ve heard of WWOOF but that’s craaazy

    1. We definitely do! I will actually potentially stalk you as I literally know 2 people who live in Portland… and one of them is my Dad. Awkward.

      I struggle with that a lot. Running away vs Finding yourself/Exploring I like to tell myself it is adventure but most of the time it is running away from people and problems.

  2. I could suggest a few things for you to do.

    Great song. Of course it is, being Modest Mouse. But really one of their best and most touching for us wanderlusty souls.

  3. Why Portland of all places…?

    Not that it’s a bad thing — it just means that when I finally revisit Oregon and Washington, there’ll be like… five really hot girls there that I need to meet.

  4. Congratulations on being Portland-bound. Just checking out your blog via the Land of the Lotus Eaters — Eric.

    I was just in Portland this past summer on a road trip and I realized…If I had to live in a real city right now, Portland would be it. Good beer. Good food. Good biking-streets and wandering opportunities. Good coffee. Does it get any better?

    I’m enjoying your writing thus far and look forward to reading more, and hearing about your upcoming move! Wishing you luck,
    Tristan

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