I’m heading for the dance floor when my worries manifest themselves and here he is in front of me: The catalyst. I stop and attempt to backtrack, bump into someone, and then his head is turning and our eyes meet. The air around me sizzles and I want to laugh, run and cry simultaneously. He shakes his head and begins to turn away, but my body acts on its own and I am grabbing his arm, pulling him towards me, suddenly apologizing in a torrent of self-deprecating remarks and accusations. Wanting so badly to end the chapter and close the book, but compelled to read on. What came first the temptation or the doubt? I don’t know anymore.
Later I will remember the freshly laundered smell of his shirt as he hugged me close and for too long. The jump in my chest, and the steps I had to focus on to turn and walk away. The words, “Well, at least we won’t have to avoid each other anymore.” and the knowledge that, no, I will have to avoid him forever.
(another throwback post from Jan 13, 2008 about The Crush)