So I had a mini-revelation today. I figured out my problem. Well, one of my main problems or the problem that seems relevant today: I think ahead.
Ok. Maybe not all the time. If it were all the time I could probably always think ahead and be one step in front of everyone and everything else. No. I don’t think ahead like that. I randomly think ahead, almost as if I have no control on my mind’s focus.
For example, I had to write a test today. A normal person would probably study for the test in anticipation… not me, oh no. Instead my mind chose to think ahead. To think of how great it would feel when I was done. What I would do with my time between classes, what book I might bring along to read. My mind jumped completely over that slot of time upon which, technically, I was planning around. That test? pff no, hardly exists. Not only that, but after I wrote the test in a blur of bullshit and nail biting, I blocked my experience completely from my mind and will probably not think of it again until I get my mark back. At that time I might be disgusted with myself for a moment but then I will toss the paper into my bag, wash it from my mind, and go on about my merry way.
Surely, this can’t be healthy..