There’s not much that I’m afraid of but those things that do cause me pause are the big things, the things that do more than go bump in the night. The fear of failure, commitment, public speaking. The fear of opening up and becoming vulnerable. Fear of abandonment. Fears that allow the rest of me to appear fearless, reckless, confident, brave. Often I feel like I’m walking a tightrope of identity with this long net stretching out below me of who you all want me to be.
And whispers, “fall, fall, fall.”
I don’t often do poetry and I have as of yet never recorded myself in spoken word but lately I’ve been inspired to do more, try more, push myself. I’m scared, and someone once said that’s how you know you’re moving in the right direction.
So, here it is. Be kind.
Holding You by Lindsay Rainingbird
[edit: in print as requested]
I told you I’d hold you
but I only meant in words
cradled
the language we don’t have
the search and you
the taste of every ill-placed comma
the way you were
only ever just—there
on the tip of my tongue.
How we reach outstretched
to fill up the blank spaces
to make the H
stay silent
to find a way to explain
describe this
giant abyss this
crack in communication
that we tiptoe around.
I said I’d hold you but
I meant in the palm of my hand
delicately
like a robin’s egg
still warm and heavy with life
purpose.
How a hand closed
becomes a fist
(how a fist is a measure of the heart)
how our hearts were clenched
too tight, our fingers locked
our love arrested.
[/edit]
Beautiful. And fun to put a voice with your words, lovely.
Pingback: Tweets that mention Holding You « Birdykins: Fly. Crash. Repeat. -- Topsy.com
I adore this poem. Great reading.
I’d like to see it on paper, too, since the recording was a tiny bit fuzzy.
I’ll post it right now. Thanks hun.
I thought that it was fantastic, both the reading of it and the written word. You are seriously talented. Thank you for sharing this, and I hope that there is more to come.
Brilliant!
I’ve actually thought about doing this myself. It makes your words resonate that much more. Very well done.
Loved it. Looking forward to more audio posts.
Honey, there’s no need for me to be kind: this is beautiful.
Oh, my. I cannot wait to get home and listen to this. The words alone, on this silly Web page, made me hold my breath.
It is good to see you here again. I missed you.
you inspire me to get past some of my own fears.
Your voice is surprising and then just as quickly not. I don’t know what I expected you to sound like, but hearing you I can imagine you a thousand miles away, feet propped on the wall, phone cord tangled around your fingers. I liked this a lot.
am have been inspired. BEAUTIFUL